I don’t know why, this is just deeply entertaining to me.
One one hand, it’s rude to comment on people’s looks. On the other, it is so deeply fascinating the patterns of hair that basketball players and coaches and commentators chose to maintain.
So these are the best hairlines in the NBA.
The Best Hairlines on NBA Players
It helps that there are no helmets or hats in basketball. There’s nothing in the way of the audience and these magnificent hair lines.
Derrick White
There are entire compilations on Youtube of Shaq and Charles Barkley and Stephen A. Smith just clowning on Derrick White’s hairline. Stephen A. is an obvious comparison BTW.
Check the photo on the left from White’s first year of college at Colorado Springs. It’s not like it’s receding, it’s just naturally really far back. Compare that to the more recent photo on the right. He’s probably gained a little forehead real estate, but the real point of interest is how little things have changed.
Important to note, D White has often played in a wide headband, so it can be jarring to see him without it. It certainly adds to the effect. You’re used to thinking his headband is just covering the front half, and then you realize there just is no front half.
It must be noted that Derrick has recently elected to remove himself from official ‘greatest NBA hairline’ contention. I blame Shaq and Chuck. You can only be expected to deal with so much. White has been really coming up in the league and the attention is only getting more intense, so it makes sense that you might want people to focus a little more on your basketball than your magnificent half head of hair.
Cody Zeller
What the heck dude? How can you be so vigilant on defense and just let your hair go like that?
I get it, I don’t really like hair cuts either. It’s just kinda unhinged to see that friar tuck hairline on a guy playing sports for millions of dollars on a world stage. And the face mask only makes the whole experience that much more unsettling.
And Cody is young, barely 30. He’s clearly well aware of the ridiculousness. It’s endearing that he simply does not care and often makes light of the situation.
Alex Caruso
You can’t really call out Zeller without mentioning Caruso, the “Bald Mamba”. The only reason he’s not higher on this list is that his hairline is fainter still, more barely recognizable, than Zellers.
But I still don’t get the thing where you know you need to shave your dome, you’re in a sport where shaved domes are widely appreciated and acceptable. But you hold on so tight to what is only really a memento of a full head of hair.
Bam Adebayo
There is nothing wrong with Bam Adebayo’s hairline and that is why it is noteworthy. I saw him next to Zeller the other day and it was just painfully obvious that Bam has a god-tier hairline.
On first glance, you might think it’s a little high. Give it a second. Bam’s hairline is perfect for the shape of his head. It’s as though it was carved out of natural marble by renaissance craftsmen. What a thing to behold.
The Best Hairlines on NBA Commentators
These are the craziest hairlines you’ll find on NBA commentators.
Stephen A. Smith
No competition. Well, alright, there’s a little competition. It’s actually really tough to choose between Jalen and Stephen A. here. But I’ll go with Stephen A.
His hairline is just so high. But if it was any higher, he’d just be straight balding. And if it were any lower, it might not be much of a thing. But where it stands, Stephen A. Smiths hair line is something uniquely special.
It certainly gives a hint of his hair trying to escape from his mouth and the often ridiculous statements that emerge from that region. At the same time it envelops his dome in something like an auditorium, as though it is presenting and amplifying his head as a performance space.
And it’s also a little bit cartoonish. Let’s not overlook the cartoonishness.
Jalen Rose
I believe that Jalen Rose’s hair line is sprayed on. It’s like he holds a manilla envelope over his forehead and hits it with that stuff from the infomercials where it keeps the boat from sinking.
Jalen Rose’s hairline is always and forever, meticulously crisp. He supposedly flies his barber in for special occasions, and is rarely seen without a razor-tight system, often with an equally impressive fade.
Takeaways
There are plenty of magical cuts we skipped here. And I’m sure we’ve many more to come. LeBron gets his fair share of crap about his fading locks. D Wade has some goofy proportions. Manu Ginobli has has some interesting stuff going on at times. And man, the big O has maintained a very impressive head covering for generations.
But these are my personal favorites, the lines that get me the most. Hop you’ve appreciated them as well.